Awakening

“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of other; it is in yourself alone.” -Orison Swett Marden

The day is cool and somewhat rainy but beautiful nonetheless. I woke up this morning with a feeling that Dror was back from Israel and behold, I called and found his familiar voice at the other end, groggy and full of sleep. He had returned last night and got no sleep on the flight. Before he left on his journey to the Holy Land he gave me a call and complained about my recent introvertedness and he went as far as to tell me that I was being selfish by not being able to see anything but my problems for six months. I think he missed the usual me, full of energy and drive, ambitious and lighthearted and he wanted to snap me out of it. Needless to say that was the wrong approach since it brought to light his own insensitivity to my heart ache. Anyway so we had a little talk and I think that solved very little except that we remained friends. I’ve missed talking to him. I thought it was funny that he accused me of being interested exclusively in the Israeli newspaper’s horoscope (very accurate btw). Never any love in there for me…or Aries people as a whole, only catastrophic money issues. :) Welcome back Dror. I’m envious of your desert tan! I’ll be in Santo Domingo soon enough getting some sun of my own.

I think I need sun. The winter takes so much out of me. Can’t wait to swim in the Caribbean ocean, my mouth waters just thinking about it. NYC is so stuffy in the summer. Everything reflects the heat making it seem much hotter. The air is steamy and it leaves you feeling drained and sticky, never refreshing. It looks like I may be on the road again, I should be getting my license reinstated finally. My car is a bit abandoned right now…and it hasn’t been driven in a while but as soon as I get my license that will change. I’m going to repair it and make it look like the day I rolled it out of the showroom. My car brings me a great deal of happiness because I can go places…my car = my freedom. :) I feel like I finally have the energy to make things happen. Today is a good day.

This morning while I was getting coffee at the deli next door there was a guy there that kept on looking at me. Not at me but into me…it was sort of embarrassing in a way because I almost felt that he could see everything. Anyway he was really good looking. It’s always nice to be stared at by a great looking man. Work has been progressively more challenging. I’m involved in a multimedia project of some complexity. I’m learning a brand new coding language (SMIL). My brain is definitely growing. I haven’t been in touch with anyone lately. In fact I haven’t even been picking up the phone. I’ve been getting home past 10 and just vegetating. I’ve needed some Mabe time. I stare at a computer screen for 10-12 hours a day and when I get home I don’t want to be on the phone or online or watching television or doing anything electronic. When I get home I want to take a nice bath, maybe read and just get some sleep. Sleep is good. Speaking of which, more and more I’m falling asleep on the couch. I hate the feeling of waking up at three AM in my living room then having to walk to bed. It makes me feel lonely. Back in the day when I was living with someone sleeping on the couch never happened and when it did that person was always there to bring me to bed *sigh* that was nice. Anyway I have to try and not do that…it only shows that I’m really exhausted and I don’t pay attention…I should get to bed earlier.

I’ve already made plans to return to Venice next February. That should be lots of fun. Last time I was there it was a bit of an emotional let down, but this time it WILL be different. I’m totally psyched and it’s only May. I don’t know where I’m going to get the money to do all these things…but it will come from somewhere. I want to travel to Florence this time as well. It’s been so long since I was last there. The Academy was so magnificent. The David is truly awesome. He’s on a pedestal that is approximately 9 feet tall and the statue itself is huge. It really is a sight! Go see it!

I love Italy. I actually can speak some Italian so that helps :) Anyway…I feel really great today. Tomorrow I’m getting together with Robert to work on some Century stuff. I got several notes from Zak this morning…”Allow love to enter before thought to eliminate fear. Allow love after thought to eliminate doubt…” Beautiful. I feel so good. I’m all energized and feeling happy. Tonight I will probably go and see Battlefield Earth. I heard the critics trashed it, but that seems to be what critics are best at doing. I challenge all critics out there to create what they actually criticize.

The world is a wonderful place. I’m happy to be alive.

IE sucks and Netscape rules!

[learn_more caption=”Onel de Guzman LOVES YOU”] Onel de Guzman admits he might have released the ‘I LOVE YOU’ worm but he’s not sure. [I THINK HE’S LYING! TAR AND FEATHER HIM I SAY. BUT COME TO THINK OF IT I LOVE U WAS PRETTY HARMLESS.] “De Guzman, a student at Manila’s AMA Computer College, has been wanted for questioning by the Filipino authorities for several days. At a news conference, accompanied by his lawyer, de Guzman did not confess to creating the virus but said that he may have been responsible for unleashing it onto the Internet. De Guzman’s lawyer reportedly told the assembled journalists, “He is not really aware that the act imputed to him was done by him.” When asked if he could have released the worm accidentally, de Guzman is said to have replied: “It is possible.” De Guzman wrote a thesis described last week by his tutor as “very close” to the virus that began wreaking havoc with computer systems worldwide on May 4. International investigators last week traced the origins of the virus to the home of de Guzman’s sister in Manila. Her boyfriend, Reonel Ramones, was arrested but later released by police due to a lack of evidence. -info by ZDNET There are 29 known love bug variants.[/learn_more]