Illustration for V13

I have a cold. Sunday was pretty horrible, but I guess we all have those days. Last night was nice. I got the chance to relax and get my mind off things. This week is going to be a lot of fun…I feel it. A friend of mine is coming down from Canada to visit me. It will be fun. :) I’ll get a chance to run around the city and go to the museums and all the touristy spots. I haven’t been to the Met in ages. We will have to make a day of it.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to get some distance. I feel so caught up in the details of situations that I forget there is always a bigger picture, a way out, and ultimately, a solution. The only thing that is irreversibly unchangeable is death. Anything else is solvable. The answers may not always be clear, but they are there. I need to meditate, to concentrate on the trials that lie ahead; the challenges that rise each day. I can’t get depressed. My survival depends on it.

I have to keep my eyes open. I have to get away from those feelings of despair that are so dangerous to the self. I need to isolate myself entirely from negativity. I need to really apply myself and make positive spiritual and emotional changes. I need to take care of myself, that’s all I got. I need to be self sufficient. I can’t hope to rely on anyone else, there is no one there, and even if there was I know that I would not accept the help. I have to do this on my own. There is no other way.

I think it’s about time to get Cuban on all this negativity. Time to grab the lechuga and the cocos and bring on the despojo. *grin* It’s difficult to keep up this public persona, especially when it has your name on it:…can you get anymore egoistic about the whole thing?

From the moment of birth, when our newborn eyes first see the light in all its subjective glory we are driven to discover who we really are. We strive to impose our wills upon the world that fights us back, and with each dent on our shields a permanent mark of the struggle is reflected through our personality. We are creatures shackled to the reality of “being” us. We cannot escape the vessel of our bodies and are subject till death to see and experience a life uniquely ours.

Our mind is the first discovery on this fragile journey that we undertake through life. The discovery of our own thoughts is the first divine experience we come in contact with, a discovery so mysterious and powerful that it changes us forever. Through our mind we perceive all other things and become conscious of ourselves.

Consciousness is vital to our survival. Only through being conscious of our actions and our selves can we truly hope to gain an understanding of others. It is only through being aware that we can survive and better ourselves.

I’m burnt on all this web stuff right now…

Tomorrow will be better. :)

[learn_more caption=”About Albert Camus”] “Harsh combats still await us. But peace will return to this torn earth and to hearts tortured by hopes and memories. One cannot always live on murders and violence. Happiness and proper affection will have their time. But that peace will not find us forgetful. And for some among us, the faces of our brothers disfigured by bullets, the great virile brotherhood of recent years will never forsake us. May our dead comrades enjoy by themselves the peace that is promised us during this panting night, for they have already won it. Our fight will be theirs. Nothing is given to men, and the little they can conquer is paid for with unjust deaths. But man’s greatness lies elsewhere. It lies in his decision to be stronger than his condition. And if his condition is unjust, he has only one way of overcoming it, which is to be just himself. Our truth of this evening, which hovers overhead in this August sky, is just what consoles man. And our hearts are at peace, just as the hearts of our dead comrades are at peace, because we can say as victory returns, without any spirit of revenge or of spite: “We did what was necessary.”[/learn_more]