I am Sci-Fi

It feels like fall outside. Rainy and overcast, not to mention chilly. I’m starving and it is only Tuesday. *Sigh* Enough whining. There are good things happening. There are people around me that love me, I have a wonderful job, I have my health and I’m for the most part doing ok. This bad weather is temporary…and summer is coming. I keep telling myself that I can do anything…I’m Mabe, afterall…I can make things happen, bring people together, start things, be the driving force behind my own projects. I can be and will be, have to be. There’s no safety net below and that’s somewhat thrilling.

I will not fail. Will not put my head down and succumb to these ugly feelings of insecurity and pain. The best way to forget the past is to embrace the future, live the present, be happy with each moment, efficient about the time I have to make a difference for myself and others. Life is not about the large moments, I think life is all the time in between, all the little details that seem insignificant…those tiny moments that add up. What do I live for? What can I say…love is a huge part of me. I love passionately and strongly, I’m passionate about everything that I do…no grays in this area…all or nothing. Too much? Maybe. Sometimes I feel that I experience situations both large and small to fiercely. It can be overwhelming. Do I want to find a balance so I can feel more moderately? NO! I like the intensity, it keeps me on my feet…always desiring more.

I yearn to feel refreshed, to open my arms to whatever destiny has to offer. I close my eyes, wanting to feel all those things that make life worth living…I want to awake, wipe the slate clean, erase the pain…heal those wounds, see as they disappear and give way to new skin…yearning to be touched. It’s time to let the light in. To open all the windows…to walk beneath the rain…to take off my shoes and feel the crisp, wet grass beneath my feet. Love makes all things possible. It makes us part of something beautiful…love can heal me. Time is on my side.

Breathe. Deeply. Let sleep not divide us. Stay with me. Let’s awake together…feel as the cool breeze soothes our spirits, making us whole. You are my friend. Doubt creates only more doubt, it can be blinding. Do not doubt. You are as beautiful as ever…Fly.

Some days are easier than others, more challenging than others…take those days and kick their ass!!! Seriously, people should just get into the habit of tackling the obstacles instead of hiding from them. It’s your life…it’s my life, and I’ll be damned if I let someone or something prevent me from being happy. We have a responsibility in life and that is to live it well. You think “well” is relative? I don’t know…but “well” is definitely subjective. I try to do things that make me happy, spend time with people that make me feel good…it makes each day so much easier to deal with. :) A large part of being happy is accepting those things that you cannot change (almost everything can be changed BTW) and changing those things that you can (in a positive way). Be good to yourself. I’m so sick and tired of people that mope around, drifting, not ever doing something for themselves. I mean, if you can only create something of value when you’re depressed you should really take a long, hard look at yourself and evaluate your life. That saying “the greatest beauty comes from the greatest pain” doesn’t have to be true. I’m not saying that I don’t get depressed or mope around…I am simply saying that you need to tip those scales so that you don’t do that most of the time. It is very easy to get sucked into a vicious cycle of bad energy. I have been there, believe me. Spent a good deal of time looking at a dark corner…being One with the dark corner…it’s a difficult pace to brake once you’ve been walking it for a while. Word of advice…I know it’s hard…but…fight it! Every moment that you spend feeling bad can be a moment spent feeling good. Ok, Ok, no more of this feel good mumbo-jumbo…the final word is Just Do IT!

[learn_more caption=”What’s New?”] Last night I worked on the illustration shown for an online card game called Trinity. I sent this in as a sample of my work. I am still awaiting a reply. In the future I may do more work for them, assuming that the mastermind behind this project likes the work. Go check out the online “teaser” demo of the game. It is very cool. Last night was my last chance to do my taxes. I’m not very punctual with legal stuff…that’s gotta change. Work has gotten progressively busier and I’ve been getting home later and later. Maybe one of these days I’ll get around to posting some pieces from my portfolio, digital or otherwise.[/learn_more]