Personal Responsibility

Think. Is the grinding against the stone, wearing it down until it is smooth deliberate? THINK! Personalities are a bit like suits or uniforms. We put them on when we have to go out into the world. Even the greatest extroverts don’t wander around alone, at home, being bubbly. Many introverts secretly sing in the shower. We may rarely take off the psychological armor that we wear but we are mistaken to think we cannot remove, alter or change it. I have adopted ONE particular attitude to help me cope with trying circumstances and it might be time to approach things differently. Perhaps it is time to really stop bending.

I tend to bend and bend to nearly the snapping point around people I value. I keep forgiving slights and even deeper hurts because of my affection for them. I am generally a diplomat, a peace maker of sorts and I sincerely love people. It gives me pleasure to make those around me feel good. I tend to constantly encourage and sincerely boost people I care about. When those efforts are constantly rebuked I bend a little more, make more of an effort instead of snapping right back into their offensive faces. I don’t think this is entirely healthy but it’s been me a long time now.

I think I might be done with this course of action. Enough.

Cross enough lines and eventually you will have a head on collision. We live in a universe that does not stand still for us. Actions bear reactions.

People are mostly unpredictable. Yes, they have their well worn patterns, their sycophantic iterations but just as easily a tiny straw can and will break the camel’s back. There is only so much bullshit any of us is willing to put up with before we lash out and become fire breathing agents of chaos. Each and every single one of us, no matter how long the fuse has the same capacity to be uncivilized.

My one piece of advice is this: Own up, take personal responsibility. Don’t be so shocked when your offensive actions warrant a crash after all you worked hard to get yourself into that very spot. Live it, love it and embrace it; feel good about it, relish it.

What if I am not the person I always thought I was? What if I am someone more powerful, influential and important? What if I have been hiding for too long, behind a wall of unnecessary reticence?  What if now, it is no longer permissible for me to ignore all this amazing hidden potential? What if I am growing into a period of positive change? What if all these what ifs are not what ifs at all? I am going to stop thinking about how good things could be and make them truly good. Sometimes a sense of anger can be a very valid thing and it should be acknowledged emotionally and mentally before it becomes a dangerous weapon. Such a weapon would only damage me, the wielder. As with irritation, so with motivation it must be directed before it can be truly effective. I need to pace myself as this journey is long and wont to test my mettle and determination.