Strategic Assessment

Am I a slave to my web page? Maybe. Am I too personal? Not nearly, so don’t worry about it. For all you know I’m lying about everything…and “Mabe” doesn’t exist at all. She may just be a figment of your imagination. “She is the fairies’ midwife, and she comes In shape no bigger than an agate stone On the forefinger of an alderman, Drawn with a team of little atomi Over men’s noses as they lie asleep…And in this state she gallops night by night Through lovers’ brains and then they dream of love…” (Shakespeare)

I feel so intensely sometimes…the emotions so sharp that they cut me. It’s one of those days again when everything is richer, more vibrant, more heady and filled with life. It’s one of those days when I allow myself to drift lazily into a world of fantasies and sweet nothings, when I let the emotions wash over me like the evening tide; violent against the shore. I close my eyes and drift in this silent pool of bliss, thinking thoughts that I’ve held under lock and key. Allowing myself to breathe in the anticipation of what lies ahead. Of candle lit nights, and sweet meanderings into the realms of love. I imagine that I’ve won the favor of Cupid’s ear, and he will reward me with a quiver-full of arrows. Is it my heart that sleeps beneath the ground? Entombed under all that snow?

  • Assess the advantages in taking advice, then structure your forces accordingly, to supplement extraordinary tactics. Forces are to be structured strategically, based on what is advantageous.
  • A military operation involves deception. Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective.
  • Draw them in with prospect of gain, take them by confusion.
    —Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Snow is a thing of winter. Winter lies behind and sleeps as Spring breathes life into my soul, melting the shackles that hold me loyal to an unloyal heart. I feel the warmth inside me grow hotter with each day, and I think sometimes I am a vessel for the sun. My heart thaws, I feel it and my skin listens attently, on guard for news; the whispers of possibility. It is not wrong to love or desire. It is not wrong to want, to dream, to laugh, to be inspired–as I am now. Desperately inspired.

I want to show someone all these things, all these colors that I perceive. I want to show them how I see things, how rich and beautiful life is. I want someone to know me, even if only for a moment, I want to make that connection–to float in that feeling of oneness if only for a second, to glow brightly together, like the largest star. This desire is so unexplainable, so exquisitely infinite that words cannot describe. Feelings are like that, intense and fleeting, always changing, ungraspable; the air that we breathe but can never see. Emotions are fragile, like butterflies, short lived as they enter the harsh contours of our reality and become solid, jaded structures…passions that control our existence, no longer pure. Pure emotion is white and intense and abrupt, always refreshing in its purity, distilled. Violent. Then, in a second the mind tries to categorize, distinguish, assess the feeling, lable it, destroy it until it becomes utterly mental, an attribution of how we feel in lieu of the current situation.

To feel is to be alive, to think is to be human, civilized and the result of structure. Our thoughts could never be as pure as those smoky emotions that pass through us, shaking our souls, making us tremble with desire, love, anger, hatred, peace. I strive to always determine what I feel. It is only through feeling that I can define myself. My thoughts all too often spoil the sublime sensation of emotion. I want to open my arms and accept emotion for what it is…intensity.

To describe emotion: Difficult

To describe what I’m feeling right now: Impossible

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds.” -Anaïs Nin

[learn_more caption=”What’s New?”] Desire. That’s what’s new. The desire to explore who I really am, to discover through action my limitations and push those limitations to the breaking point. To experience life and all that it has to offer. To get over my petty insecurities and fears because fear stops us from becoming.[/learn_more]